Another Snow Storm?

So here I sit, inside the warmth of my little room. I feel like I’m cheating mother nature as I watch the snow blow in all directions on the other side of the window. Theres something I like about a snow storm, it’s the one sure way to stay inside all curled up in a blanket without the guilt of being too lazy. Snow storms take me back to my childhood when they would call off school and we were able to stay home and watch television all day long in our pajamas. There was no need to get dressed, we couldn’t go anywhere anyway.

Today I’m taking advantage of the storm, although I’m not in my pajamas. I’m diving deeper into my past and recording it on my computer.  Once again, I’ve discovered a new pattern of my roller coaster life I’ve shared with anorexia, depression and bulimia. It’s just so terribly unfortunate that time has past and I can’t get it back. The unraveling of the mess is becoming more and more clear as I trace my thoughts on paper.

I Hope everyone is happy and doing well, thank you for reading. God Bless

Spring Is In The Air Along With A Positive Attitude

We took a weeks vacation from the sub zero temperatures in Minnesota. Both my sweetheart and I sat and basted in the warm Florida sunshine. I always wonder why we choose to live in the frozen north versus the balmy south. I see it comming someday, Kenny and I will be playing in shuffleboard tournaments, botchy ball, and mahjong every Tuesday at 10:00 am.

Am I starting to wish my life away? I’d best rethink my plans of retirement. I’ve only just begun to live! I really feel that way…I have only recently discovered how to live my life without the constant stress of where I’m going to rid my body of my last meal. I’m 48 years old and I finally have the ability to eat without the automatic urge to throw up whatever it was. I’m still climbing that mountain, but the air is so much fresher than it’s ever been. I’d like to be retired and live in the south all winter someday. Right now I want to revel in my accomplishments, I want to breathe the crisp spring air in the Minnesota mornings. I want to work hard and put my energy into it, whatever it may be as long as it has nothing to do with ED.

LIFE IS GOOD! God Bless 🙂

And The Sun Shines From Within

It’s really quite amazing how the human brain works. At this point, I’m just glad it does. I feel like I’ve been magically zapped out of the fog and back into reality. I have determination and I’ve spent the past week organizing my thoughts on my computer. I’m not flailing through the day bumping into road blocks.  I’ve set a timeline for finishing my book, along with monthly goals to reach in the process. I have so much to do. Before Christmas I was busy with Holiday planning, it really only cluttered up my path and gave me an excuse to put off the next chapter. The next chapter is always the hardest, it hasn’t been finished yet. I haven’t got it all figured out, although there is an outline to follow and my own personal deadline to meet.

Bulimia is still sleeping for now, depression has temporally gone on vacation; I’m not sure if it will be a short one or an extended stay in a place too far to visit. As for anorexia, I’m arguing with her thoughts quite frequently. I see no harm in hearing her voice as long as I continue to argue with her verses agree and play along abiding by her rules.